I Can Talk About Delicate Topics on Facebook without a Fight and You Can Too
The problem with Facebook and the discussions on it is fundamentally that it’s people yelling past each other. Look at any thread in which conflict is occurring, and you’ll see many of the people involved are reciting lines like actors in a play. Some of the arguments don’t actually make sense in the context of the discussion.
Why is this? Are people just ignorant and unable to engage in civil discourse? I believe that it is because people are not taking time time to fully read what they are responding to nor are they taking the time to think out what they say.
I am very sensitive about what I post and how it sounds because I work in the public space, and I don’t want to say something that might offend and damage my reputation. Especially if it’s something that is simply poorly worded or ill considered. Thus, I take special effort to make sure that I think about what I say if I say anything at all. I’m nor perfect, and I still tick people off in unguarded moments, but I find I’m doing fairly well these days.
This does not mean I have been silent. I’ve posted and commented quite a bit, especially in light of the aftermath of the George Floyd murder. I pause to ask what I have to positively contribute to the conversation, and this makes a great deal of difference.
How and when I contribute is key. I try to only make comments and posts of any substance from my desktop computer and not my smart phone. On a smart phone, it is difficult to type and more difficult to edit. Without arrow keys, it is a pain to scroll back, reread, and correct, so I find that on the occasions where I have gotten myself into hot water, it is more often than not something I jotted of quickly on the phone than something I thought out on the computer.
The recent events surrounding the murder of George Floyd have provided a situation in which I have had some productive things to contribute, such as my recent article on agent provocateurs, discussions of history, economics, and other factors. I have taken the time to write comments as long as a dozen paragraphs in which I calmly provide background information and analysis.
A crazy thing happens when I take the time to really think out what I say. People rise to the level of the discourse. When one person posts well thought out, meaningful thoughts, people will often respond with well thought out meaningful thoughts. Not everyone of course. There’s always trolls and people only half reading on their phones, but if you can ignore that noise, you can have some really good productive conversations.
I got this comment from a complete stranger after one such well thought out comment:
At first I wasn’t sure if he was serious or sarcastic. Then he sent me a friend request, so I think he was serious.
We have taken for granted that we can only yell at each other on Facebook, but I have found something amazing. If we slow down, take a breath, and think before commenting, then we slow down more and think more about what we say, if we write with the intention of informing rather than browbeating, amazing things can happen.
Try it out. I think you’ll like it.
Michael Whitehouse is often known as the Guy Who Knows A Guy and host of the podcast and author of a book of the same name.
